Friend Considers Sharing Honest Feedback on Office Behavior
A reader known as “Faithful Friend” from Ohio seeks advice on whether to share her observations about a friend’s professional behavior in the workplace. The friend, who has worked at the same organization for six years, has not received a promotion despite positive performance reviews. The reader is concerned that her friend’s casual approach may hinder her career advancement.
Concerns Over Workplace Presentation
The friend, who works in a different department, has expressed frustration regarding her lack of promotions. Despite performing well, she has not advanced while her peer, the reader, has received two promotions. The situation escalated when the friend sought insight into her career stagnation, as her supervisor did not provide clear feedback.
According to the reader, the work environment is traditional, and her friend’s modern attitude towards work-life balance may not align with the organization’s culture. Although she adheres to the dress code, her casual attire seems to stand out. Moreover, her tendency to take personal calls within earshot of colleagues and leave the office to manage errands gives an impression that others might not appreciate.
“Only 10% of our job is client-facing, but looking and acting the part is noticed,” the reader observes. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the unspoken expectations of management. While she considers the necessity of maintaining her friendship, she struggles with the idea of providing her friend with potentially difficult feedback.
Seeking Guidance on Honesty
In response to the reader’s concerns, Abigail Van Buren, the writer of the “Dear Abby” column, advised the reader to share her honest observations with her friend. She emphasized that constructive criticism is essential, particularly when it relates to career advancement. Van Buren suggested that after receiving feedback, the friend should approach her supervisor directly to understand the reasons behind her stagnation.
This situation highlights the delicate balance between friendship and professional honesty. For many, discussing a friend’s work behavior can be challenging, especially when it risks straining their relationship. However, addressing these issues could provide the necessary insight for the friend to improve her standing within the company.
In a separate letter, another reader from Texas, identified as “Holding My Tongue,” recounted a troubling incident during her son Adam’s 50th birthday celebration. His wife, Lindy, had been drinking excessively and made disparaging remarks about Adam’s daughter from a previous marriage. The reader expressed her anger at Lindy’s behavior but chose to remain silent at the time to avoid disrupting the event.
Van Buren advised the Texas reader to refrain from speaking out about Lindy’s behavior, noting that Adam is likely aware of his wife’s drinking issues. Maintaining peace within the family was deemed more important than addressing the incident publicly at the celebration.
These letters illustrate the complexities of interpersonal relationships, whether in a professional setting or among family. Navigating honesty, respect, and the potential fallout from delivering feedback can pose significant challenges.
Readers can find more advice and insights from “Dear Abby,” a column established by Pauline Phillips and continued by her daughter, Abigail Van Buren. The column offers guidance on various personal dilemmas, fostering open dialogue about sensitive topics in everyday life.
